5 ways to leave a legacy of family harmony

Even if your family is small and harmonious, there is potential for conflict when the time comes to distribute your final assets. Indeed, lawyers say family feuds are common after wills are read. A will involves far more than distributing material goods and money. The death of a loved one often brings to the surface long-held feelings, good and bad.

Here are five ways to help you avoid leaving a family feud as a legacy.

Discuss your will with your beneficiaries. This allows you to clearly communicate your wishes and reasoning and respond to any criticism. A frank discus-son is especially important if there is an unequal distribution, perhaps to recognize a child who served as primary caregiver.
If the direct approach is too awkward, consider making a video to be shown after your death. Even if you do hold a family meeting, make a video as evidence if you fear there might be a court battle.
Many parents struggle with whether to help family members in need, at the expense of those who have done well. But the wealthier children may consider an unequal distribution as “punishing success.” These children may well be willing to help their siblings, but emotionally need recognition of their own birthright. By broaching the subject beforehand, you can take whatever steps are necessary to meet your objectives.
Don’t leave one child in charge of assets that belong to the whole family, for example, a family business. Leaving everything to one child puts that child in an untenable position, and creates potential for conflict of interest — not to mention conflict with the other beneficiaries. A variety of estate planning strategies can help you provide for equal treatment for your beneficiaries without equal division of your estate assets.
Clearly specify the ownership and distribution of any jointly held assets. Joint ownership with an adult child offers convenience and savings on probate fees, but can create confusion and unfairness.
If you are leaving assets to your spouse to defer taxation, clearly state whether you want the capital preserved for the kids. Get professional advice on whether to create a trust for this.
Give away what you can, especially sentimental items, during your lifetime. By taking action early, you ensure the right item goes to each person. You also avoid problems that can arise if an item listed in a will gets lost or broken before the distribution. If your circumstances won’t allow for an early distribution of assets, make specific bequests clear. Photograph the item and write the recipient’s name on the back of the snapshot.
Appoint a professional executor or co-executor with a family member. An impartial outsider with experience as a referee often has an easier time than a family member or friend in addressing objections while implementing your wishes.